Everyone has running horror stories. From that time someone was chased by a dog to the near-miss when crossing the street and the unwanted bowel movement to the bloody toes, running can be a disgusting sport. Most sports have some sort of official that helps rein the athletes in, but for runners in training, we are our own masters.
I’ve been lucky not to have seriously injured myself while running, but I’ve come way close. I’m hesitant to share some of the crappy (literally!) situations I’ve gotten myself into, but what the hell, at least you’ll laugh.
Running is an adventure
Oh, but I’ve come oh so close. On an early morning run this past summer, I went a little further out of my way than I’d planned and because I hadn’t had my morning shit yet, so I was full of it. About two miles from home the urge hit me and since I was in the middle of the Willo neighborhood in Phoenix, I had nowhere to go. I ran into an alley, found a secluded spot next to a huge dumpster and made waste. RIP, gray running shirt.
2. I’ve never been hit by a car
And I’m really not sure how, because Phoenix drivers are dicks. In spring 2010, while running after dark along the very well-lit section of Central Ave in downtown Phoenix – the part with the Light Rail – I crossed Thomas with the signal. Every car stopped, except the last fucker who really wanted to turn right and couldn’t be bothered by a crosswalk. I remember shuffling my feet, worried I was about to get hit, and had I not slowed down by a half a step, my legs would have been crushed by a goddamn girl on her cell phone in an Acura. Fuck you, girl in that Acura.
3. I’ve never passed out
But I’ve come damn close. You see, dehydration is a bad thing. I usually drink TOO much water and end up having to pee during my run, but for some reason I was a little light on my water intake before this run and noticed, about a mile from home, that I’d stopped sweating even though it was 95+ and I’d just run five miles. I threw up, twice, got some water and hurried my ass home. I don’t remember much about that run, except to know you can never drink enough water.
4. I’ve never run with anyone beyond a mile
I play lots of team and partner sports, but running just isn’t one I’m good with other people. I ran with Katie a few times, but she quickly tired of my endless chatter and my endurance. I guess me running is an individual thing.
5. I’ve never not finished a race
This once meant I had to limp three miles, which is an experience I never, ever want to have happen again. Somewhat oddly, sporting events are the only thing I’ve never quit early. In my life. Perhaps I should treat my professional life like I do my athletic one. Watch out, future clients and colleagues.
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